Wednesday 30 January 2008
Monday 28 January 2008
little ms sniffles
how you've grown... heehee. your zest for life is incredible... keep the party and music playing baby, according to your ryhthm and flow. no one else but yours. i love you lots and lots eventhough you hated keano the cat :P my baby angel, good luck with life and your future undertakings. i'm always always here whenever you need me. happy thoughts all the way! muakses
Friday 25 January 2008
much a do about nothing...
i'm thinking maybe i should dissolve a particular plant into a solution so that i wouldn't have to look at it every single day... it's wilting and i've started hating it. a coward way of solving the problem, i know but i did try. it stares at my face, as if telling me it needs all the attention...
but i'm tired. tired of watering it with care and sowing it with fresh fertilizers every morning. maybe i shouldn't kill it but maybe i should just walk away... yes, walk away.
but i'm tired. tired of watering it with care and sowing it with fresh fertilizers every morning. maybe i shouldn't kill it but maybe i should just walk away... yes, walk away.
the best of 2007
1. catching Red Hot Chilli Peppers & Incubus in concert, with awesome view
2. running for the 10km vancouver sun run under 48mins
3. getting lost and the near death experience up in Whistler
4. living in vancouver
5. speaking to my mother after 8 months of silence
2. running for the 10km vancouver sun run under 48mins
3. getting lost and the near death experience up in Whistler
4. living in vancouver
5. speaking to my mother after 8 months of silence
Silence is Tender
Stems from the heart
The immense tenderness
When the glow glows
Beyond ordinary existence
Beyond all that is normal
Lightness of being
Deepens within the living body
Construction of the inner organs
Beyond understanding
Beyond all that is normal
I watched you
Incapable to comprehend
Call for me, said my organ
For I long to caress
Beyond love
Beyond all that is normal
The immense tenderness
When the glow glows
Beyond ordinary existence
Beyond all that is normal
Lightness of being
Deepens within the living body
Construction of the inner organs
Beyond understanding
Beyond all that is normal
I watched you
Incapable to comprehend
Call for me, said my organ
For I long to caress
Beyond love
Beyond all that is normal
eternally yours
The journey never ends and it continues to make moments… many moments of different kinds. Sometimes, well most of the time you don't exactly know where and when it begins but it continues to enfold itself without you knowing it. And then you wake up, not knowing the direction, left, right, centre… whichever. There should never be controlled and narrowed concepts. Sometimes emptiness is all I feel.
The last month ended in a most reluctant way… mother nature wanted me to face challenges a little bit more… always testing.
A few days ago, someone said 'it's never a commitment". Nothing in life is a commitment and it hit me so hard. It is true that nothing in life should be a commitment. Whatever we get ourselves into should not be seen as a commitment, better off not to be seen that way and I understand it well enough. It will be complete when it is not seen as 'work' but selfless vocation. Society has built us to think of commitment the way it is and mother nature says otherwise.
Atok left us on Sunday and I can only pray and wish that he is safe. Missing him can be quite a torture and having to put a brave face on has not been easy. All I think about is him, miss and regret. So much regret and atok, maafkanlah saya, beribu-ribu ampun kerana tak dapat jumpa atok dan tak jawab telepon bila atok telefon suzi hari tu. I am truly sorry.
I miss the way you tuck me in, your atok way.
I miss going for drives with you in your Renault.
I miss your smell.
I miss how you cut my finger nails.
I miss how you make nestum, your atok way
I miss eating with you and how you tell me to never rush with my food and to always always take my time.
I miss how you tell me off whenever I start singing while eating
I miss hearing you play the accordion and I hate the fact that I didn't know that the last time I saw you play was the very last time I heard you
I miss how you always took me to the barber for my haircuts
I miss how you would hide the sweet box under your bed for me so that mama won't scold me
I miss how you got annoyed whenever I start jumping on your bed, singing "go go shut the door"
I miss hearing you in the mornings and playing Arabic music at full volume selepas subuh
I miss watching you
But most of all… I miss having the you and me moments.
Atok you taught me so much, much more than any man in my life. And I love you more than any man. You taught me love. Your love was selfless and I will always treasure that. I hope you heard me when I visited you yesterday. I felt nothing more but missing you and at the same time rested upon the fact that your home is filled with tranquility.
The last month ended in a most reluctant way… mother nature wanted me to face challenges a little bit more… always testing.
A few days ago, someone said 'it's never a commitment". Nothing in life is a commitment and it hit me so hard. It is true that nothing in life should be a commitment. Whatever we get ourselves into should not be seen as a commitment, better off not to be seen that way and I understand it well enough. It will be complete when it is not seen as 'work' but selfless vocation. Society has built us to think of commitment the way it is and mother nature says otherwise.
Atok left us on Sunday and I can only pray and wish that he is safe. Missing him can be quite a torture and having to put a brave face on has not been easy. All I think about is him, miss and regret. So much regret and atok, maafkanlah saya, beribu-ribu ampun kerana tak dapat jumpa atok dan tak jawab telepon bila atok telefon suzi hari tu. I am truly sorry.
I miss the way you tuck me in, your atok way.
I miss going for drives with you in your Renault.
I miss your smell.
I miss how you cut my finger nails.
I miss how you make nestum, your atok way
I miss eating with you and how you tell me to never rush with my food and to always always take my time.
I miss how you tell me off whenever I start singing while eating
I miss hearing you play the accordion and I hate the fact that I didn't know that the last time I saw you play was the very last time I heard you
I miss how you always took me to the barber for my haircuts
I miss how you would hide the sweet box under your bed for me so that mama won't scold me
I miss how you got annoyed whenever I start jumping on your bed, singing "go go shut the door"
I miss hearing you in the mornings and playing Arabic music at full volume selepas subuh
I miss watching you
But most of all… I miss having the you and me moments.
Atok you taught me so much, much more than any man in my life. And I love you more than any man. You taught me love. Your love was selfless and I will always treasure that. I hope you heard me when I visited you yesterday. I felt nothing more but missing you and at the same time rested upon the fact that your home is filled with tranquility.
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