march babies

so this month has been pretty hectic... from just celebrating birthdays!! the past three weekends have been jammed packed with activities and spending money! i would die if money really grew on trees. die die die!!! it's worse than hari raya and christmas put together BUT it has never ever been this crazily good!! today's featured people of this blog has made me truly truly happy and absolutely marvelous!!... and we all share birthdays in the same month! it started of with iman, the tallest one in the group and then melissa last week and mine this week. if we measure our heights and the dates that fall along with our birthdays... it's a perfect DO RE MI. tall-medium-short. iman-mel-suz. soon enough, we'll be harmonizing our laughs.... shiet, this brand of crazy is too good! to a long lasting friendship!

i look forward to my weekends like an over eager bunny but my weekdays, the mellow of it all turns me into a numbskull. so this week i have been mulling over my age and how it keeps getting older but nothing physically changes to remind me of my age. therefore i am trap sometimes but with the help and support of those around me, i am able to keep myself sane.

it's really odd... this feeling of confusion. i know i chose this path to be away from what i have always been used to. but yet, there's a disturbing peacefulness that takes me back three steps behind and i curl at every thought of what used to be really good. my family. it's still good but who am i kidding. tomorrow i turn 25, canadian time and this year, i will be breathing the new year on a foreign land. this speck of moment that i am borrowing temporarily gets me unstable once in a while. once in a while. everything here is borrowed and at this age, i do want a concrete and permanent belonging. its funny how when i was a girl, i had dreams. i made promises with myself. but being the unpredictable person that i am, i skipped a few promises and as it turns out, i am taking my time with this adventure of mine. but that never stopped me from having dreams. new dreams. dreams gets your through the tough times.

this will be my first birthday with ezra and i would like to take this moment to appreciate you for you deserve this and many more. you have been the only person who has stood by me and held my hand through the toughest moments in this past year/last year. i am thankful and grateful for having you with me through the emptiness of losing my memories of what used to be the coolest family. i know i have put you in many many of my suzi spots, the crying, the anger, the confused and troubled times. but hell, we laugh and dance and sing like its the last day!! you are my QUICKER PICKER UPPER! i love you. you have honestly made me remember only the good times and made me hardly remember the shitty and lonely ones. yeah... what shitty ones huh? and the best part is... i forget that we're married. that you're my husband. and you are my husband but the young spirit in us likes to think otherwise. we are both in huge denial over the technicalities and formalities of being husband and wife but that's okay for now. truly madly deeply, you will always be my boyfriend. huge smile.

this will be my first birthday away from the family.oh no wait, my second but mak was in melbourne to celebrate that year with me. and now she's not. not because i am far away but because she chose to be far away. birthdays were always an occasion and surprisingly, i have been able to remember the presents for every single year. both mak and ayah knew how to grip the weakness in me and i always end up feeling very very special at the stroke of midnight into my birthday. presents were always under my pillow. and i always went 'oh-my-god-oh-my-god-OH-MY-GOD!!!' every year without fail and the next day was usually a day of shopping or nails with mak. they were my birthday fairies. very nice it was...

i miss my ayah, riam and meme. i know there'll be plenty more birthdays to celebrate with you guys but i think this year is probably the most poignant next to the hard-hitting 30th birthday and DAAAAAAMMMNN!!!i'm not liking the look of that number right now! ayah, i hope the skype is fixed so you can make the birthday promise come true! miss you guys too much!!

this year i received my first birthday package from my in-laws. such a sweet surprise and i am constantly reminded of how truly lucky i am to have the best in-laws in town. i don't think i'll ever have those nightmares of having evil mother-in-law/family-in-laws or P.Ramlee like in-laws. i think i'm lucky...